Today we’re gonna talk about ADHD and Anger—What Parents Can Do to Help
I’m Angela Howard and my passion is to break the stigma of mental health issues among fellow Christians. If you’re new to my channel please subscribe and don’t forget to click on that notifications bell so you don’t miss out on any of the new content.
Emotional dysregulation is commonly seen in both children and adults with ADHD. It impacts how they interact at home, at school, and in their chosen careers. It affects all emotions, but today we’re going to specifically address anger. Let’s look at some ways we can be intentional verses reactive when dealing with ADHD and anger.
- When an outburst happens don’t add fuel to the fire. The more you engage the bigger the situation becomes. As long as everyone is safe it’s fine to separate until things deescalate. You might say, “Things are getting out of hand. Let’s go to separate rooms until things are calm again.”
- Name the emotion. “Wow, you seem really angry.” “Your face is red. Are you angry?” It might not seem important at the time, but it’s vital to be calm and identify how your child is coming across because they might not even realize what’s happening in the moment.
- Identify the triggers. When does your child become angry the most often? Are they tired? Hungry? Is it a certain time of day? Do certain relationships trigger angry emotions? Identifying the triggers can help you talk about your child’s needs and help them recognize lhow to meet their own needs.
- Express empathy. I know this isn’t easy when you just want the meltdown to end, but empathy is the key to building relationships that are authentic, imperfect, and based in unconditional love.
Anger, particularly in Christian culture, can be seen as an unacceptable or a “bad” emotion that should be shut down the minute that we see it crop up. But that actually isn’t scriptural at all.
Scripture:
Ephesians 4:26 says, “Be angry, and do not sin…” The anger is not the sin, it’s how we choose to act upon the emotion that makes all the difference.
Resources:
How to Really Love Your Angry Child by D. Ross Campbell
Question:
What questions do you have about ADHD? Comment below, and I’ll do my best to answer your question.
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What do I do when the trigger is being told no and i cant say yes all the time?
That’s a great question Tonia. How old is your child?
He is 14 and will be 15 in April.
The teen years are a challenge and no one likes to be told no–especially adolescents. It’s frustrating and disappointing, but throughout our development we learn how to deal with hearing no. If his reaction is extreme you might be dealing with something greater than teen angst and normal pushing away from parents. I would encourage you to seek counseling from a family therapist who can work with both you and your son. If you are in the Southwest, WA area go to this link and I can direct your to counselor who would specialize in your area of need: https://hisheartfoundation.org/request-a-counselor-referral/
In addition there are some practical tools you can use in the meantime: 1. Set clear expectations/structure. For example have a schedule posted in the home so he knows what’s expected each day and there doesn’t have to be a huge discussion. Instead of saying no you’re saying, “Check out the schedule” or “You know the schedule.” 2. Redirect. When he’s starting to get angry you can remind him of his desires. “Remember you wanted to go out with your friends or You wanted to watch that show tonight so stay focused on what you want.” 3. When you do say no, disengage. You don’t have to say around to add to conversation. “No video games until your homework is done.” Then walk out of the room.” Give him a chance to loose the battle with grace instead of a stare down. Don’t be pulled into a fight.
I hope this is helpful and again I would greatly encourage counseling. It’s so helpful! And here’s a book that might be a good tool as well: How to Really Love Your Angry Child https://www.amazon.com/Really-Love-Your-Angry-Child/dp/0781439140