5 Things You’re Doing to Sabotage Marriage Counseling

Today we’re going to talk about 5 Things You’re Doing to Sabotage Marriage Counseling

I’m Angela Howard, my passion is to break the stigma of mental illness among fellow Christians. I’m here to help you live a more purposeful life with God, and with one another. Don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel so you can get the first updates of new content.

Being in a strong marriage doesn’t happen by accident. You don’t “fall” into a strong marriage, you build a strong marriage. This is something that takes commitment and determination, but even when you are committed, there are times when you damage your own goals by slipping into bad habits. So if you want to completely sabotage any chance at being successful in marriage counseling do the following 5 things:

  1. Judge Your Spouse Harshly—Don’t Even Consider Your Own Flaws

It kind of sounds ridiculous when you put it into a sentence, but how many times have you’ve been judgmental about your spouse’s behavior while completely ignoring your own issues.

  1. Focus Solely on Changing or Better Yet Controlling Your Spouse

I’ve read the Bible from cover to cover and I’ve never found a verse that says: Do everything you can to change someone who is irritating you so they can conform to your way of thinking. Believe me, I would have found that verse if it existed.

  1. Don’t Even Attempt to Understand What Your Spouse is Saying

Psychologist Bart Fowler says that it’s crucial to calmly and carefully listen then demonstrate this by accurately summarizing what your spouse has said, whether or not you agree.

  1. Make Sure Your Goal is to Win Every Argument

When your focus is on connecting and communicating NOT winning there will be fewer words. You will make requests instead of piling on complaints, and criticisms.

  1. Whatever You Do: Don’t Pray for Your Spouse

Here’s the bottom line. We need God’s power to change our hearts and it starts with prayer—not prayer asking God to change the other person, but prayer for God to change our hearts helping us to see our spouse through His eyes.


Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God. Ephesians 5:1-2 (NLT)


What behaviors would you add to list? Comment below, I’d love to hear from you!

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Connect to a counselor: https://hisheartfoundation.org/request-a-counselor-referral/