I’ve heard it said that loving someone with ADHD is easy, but living with them—well that’s another story. So what do you do when someone you love has ADHD and it’s impacting the relationship? And don’t miss my best advice for ADHD marriages at the end of video.
Today we’re going to talk about, When Someone You Love Has ADHD.
I’m Angela Howard, my passion is to break the stigma of mental illness among fellow Christians. I’m here to help you live a more purposeful life with God, and with one another. Don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel so you can get the first updates of new content and connect in community.
Whether the person you love is your spouse, your child, or a friend, being in a relationship with someone with ADHD can present challenges, especially if you are neurotypical, Those with a “typical brain.” This not only includes non-autistic people, but also people without mental illnesses, intellectual disabilities or any other neurological illness or disorder such as epilepsy or brain tumors. Neurotypical individuals often assume that their experience of the world is either the only one or the only correct one and this can lead to huge conflicts in relationships.
As the only neurotypical living in my house, I feel like I have learned a lot over the last—almost 23 years—about what it means to truly love my family and friends with ADHD. So if you’re struggling in your relationships I’ve got your back!
4 Important Tips When Someone You Love Has ADHD
- Study up on ADHD. I don’t care if don’t like to read. Watch YouTube videos like these. Read short articles online. Go to a counselor and ask questions. Ask good questions of those who have ADHD about what they struggle with. Be a student of those you love. You won’t regret it!
- Honor Their Strengths. Often when we are frustrated with those we are close to we start to focus on their weaknesses and forget about their amazing qualities. I’ll put a couple of links in the notes below for both personality tests and books that help us understand and highlight our strengths.
- Respect differences, while sharing goals. Differences are what make us unique individuals. If we were all the same, life would be boring. We can share a common goal while finding individual ways to reach those goals.
- Practice patience and compassion. It’s easy to prioritize your demands and desires. It takes time and repetition to create a habit of patience and compassion for those we love. And if we’re honest we can’t do this on our own. We need God to empower us by the Holy Spirit. Everyone needs this, but those with ADHD might need it a little more. They are often struggling with an internal dialogue that is frustrating and defeating—they don’t need an additional outside negative voice from those they love.
My best tip for marriage
Don’t get stuck in gender roles. Take the time to really get to know each other well and honor those strengths and empower each person to live their God given strengths. Then work as a team.
Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city. Proverbs 16:32
- What tips would you offer for those loving someone with ADHD? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.
Please subscribe for videos on our Youtube Channel for our amazing resources. I’ll be sharing great tips and encouragement for whatever your facing—whether you’re fighting mental illness or have a loved one who is.
Links For further study
Strength Finders 2.0 by Tom Rath
Please Understand Me by David Keirsey
Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Delivered from Distraction by Dr. Hallowell