Today we’re going to talk about 3 Tips for Making Marriage Counseling Successful. If you are struggling in your marriage this video is perfect for you! And don’t miss one of the VERY BEST things I learned in marriage counseling at the end of the show.

I’m Angela Howard, my passion is to break the stigma of mental illness among fellow Christians. I’m here to help you live a more purposeful life with God, and with one another. Don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel so you can get the first updates of new content.

Have you ever heard people say that they’ve tried marriage counseling and it didn’t work? I’ve actually heard this a lot. Sometimes it’s because the couple just wanted to say that they at least tried it before they called it quits, but they’ve already decided to end the marriage. Sometimes they get a counselor who isn’t really trained in marriage counseling.

It can definitely be complicated, but if you’re thinking about starting this journey of marriage counseling I want set you up for success and be honest with you. When my husband and I went through marriage counseling sometimes we drove separate cars to therapy. And for awhile it got worse before it got better, but it was totally worth the sacrifices we made.

3 Tips for Making Marriage Counseling Successful

  1. A Good Fit with a Counselor Matters

The first time that my husband and I went to marriage counseling it was clear within the first couple sessions that the counselor didn’t like Mike.  I’m pretty sure that he sat on the couch with his arms crossed, giving off the vibe:  “I don’t want to be here, I hate this and I might even hate you.” But for some reason we still tortured ourselves with that bad fit for about 6 months. I need to highlight that this counselor came highly recommended. It doesn’t really matter if 20 other people loved the counselor if they aren’t a good fit for you. When we connected with our next counselor, it was a perfect fit. Shout out to Chuck Verro who literally helped save our marriage. Chuck had some great assets going for him that are important for any marriage counselor—compatible with our personalities, he convinced us not to kill each other—that was HUGE, shared our Christian worldview, he was easy to talk with, and created a place of safety for both of us.

  1. Come to Counseling with Same Goal—We Are Committed to Save Our Marriage

You won’t make any progress unless you choose to move together in the same direction. Threatening divorce and holding your spouse hostage to the idea that you might be heading out the door any minute will not create an environment for healing and change.

  1. Stop Blaming and Take Ownership

It’s easy to blame our spouse for the brokenness in our relationship, but it takes two to form unhealthy pattern in our marriages. We need to take responsibility for that or we’ll never see the transformation we really long for.

My husband Mike says that…

“The good part about therapy is that it forces you to face conflict and be honest with yourself and the bad part is that it forces you to face conflict and be honest with yourself. You can easily start to deceive yourself and hide from the truth. There’s no chance of doing that if you want to be successful in counseling.”

He’s pretty smart, I like him.

I could easily blame Mike for “hurting my feelings” that the time when we visiting his family in Chicago and I threw a sippy cup at his head. Oh, I can still hear the sound of it landing. But our marriage would have never changed if I didn’t take ownership for my actions. Finally…

One of the Best Things I Learned in Marriage Counseling…

Don’t talk to people about the process unless they are a part of your healing and support your effort to save your marriage. Those people are going to be toxic!

As you approach counseling remember what it says in James 3:2…


“Indeed, we all makes many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.” James 3:2


What other tips would you add to the list? Comment below, let me know your thoughts, I’d love to hear from you!

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